i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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