there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
