Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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