I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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