There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
