how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
