So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
