The beer is more important than you right now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
