What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
