yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
