I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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