i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
