If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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