i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
