chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
