Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
