1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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