so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
