If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
