I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
