You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
