How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
