i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
