I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
