I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
