I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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