Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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