you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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