i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
