hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
