I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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