she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
