if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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