You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
