pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
