I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
