You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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