he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
