I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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