I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
