I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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