Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
