my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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