Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I checked into jail on foursquare
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
