she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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