his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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