So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
