You really coming over, don't trick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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