Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
