the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
