Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
