If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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