I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
