What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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